Recovery
“Recovery feels like shit. It didn't feel like I was doing something good; it felt like I was giving up. It feels like having to learn how to walk all over again.”― Portia de Rossi
I ATE BREAKFAST THIS MORNING!
Been having some pretty mean thoughts towards myself. I NEED TO LOVE ME!
I am looking forward to the day when I can love and accept my body. This self-hatred is really hard to deal with.
recovery is a whole lot of internal dialogue about well basically nothing but kinda everything
TW? Idk more like negative thoughts warning but who knows
Does anybody else feel like all of the weight gained in recovery goes straight to your love handles/hips and stomach? Cause I’m just so not loving this right now.
After a relapse does anybody else feel like they can/do eat anything and everything? No? Just me? K.
I ate a lot today. But that does not mean I have to starve tomorrow. I can eat tomorrow too. And the next day and the next.
To weigh myself or not to weigh?
Just ate some bacon for breakfast, without even barely thinking about it. This girl I’m with who claims to have had an eating disorder and is now magically cured said that she could never eat bacon because it’s just so fatty. Like holy shit, thanks for the encouragement.
Rant.
The one main thing I don’t like about recovery is that you are still technically anorexic (or bulimic, etc.) but you are changing your eating habits so people see you as a person WITHOUT disordered eating issues. While in reality your mind is going crazy and wondering if you should eat breakfast and how much you should excercise and if throwing this meal up is worth it.
Another crap part about it is the fact that your body gains weight and you no longer have people asking if you’re okay, and commenting “you’re so thin”. instead people say you look so much healthier which you convert in your mind to omg i’m fat and then you get triggered but you have to eat because you are trying to recover but you feel fat when you eat so you try not to but when you don’t you feel so horribly hungry and its all a big sloppy disgusting mess of mountain to climb.
